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August 7, 2007
you figured me out
me, this past friday, so 34.5 wks (two weeks since the last pic - i put the wrong caption on that one. you can totally see, if you compare them, that sack has dropped. my lungs thank him. my bladdder, well, doesn't.)
This past week was the last day of pregnancy and beyond class - yay! I'm glad that we took the class because it made ben, who doesn't read much, learn a bunch of stuff that i had read.
But in the process, I was reminded that I still live in an inherently sexist world. This was a class of people I would put in the yuppie category. For some reason - real or imagined, we got the slide of "let dad do it his way" and "different isn't bad". These slides are based on the assumption that all the women are overbearing control freaks. I've also received this message from other places. It really really really makes me mad. In these days of "equality", why is it still the assumption that "mom" is going to do the vast majority of the taking care of the child while dad is just the occasional helper? I know study after study shows that the majority of mothers do the majority of child care, but if this societal norm is to ever change, we have to change the perception first and quite sending mothers signals that they are to be the main care giver.
I complained about it on my evaluation, mainly b/c i was working on my eval when she did the slide. but there were all sorts of small things during the class that supported this idea. I know that biology makes it so i will do all of the feeding the first month, but there are so many other things that I fully expect ben to do and that ben wants to do.
I know it is about who you marry. I married someone who I know would be fully involved in the raising of children and pets. and the cleaning of the house. and the doing of the errands. I married someone who is my partner and even though i currently lay around a bunch, i have not turned into judy mchousewife nor did ben expect/want me to. We still do the things we do when we were both busy (i cook and do laundry, ben cleans - trash, dishes, the pets, up after me as i like to leave a trial of dirty dishes and trash everywhere).
i'm also weary of things that depersonalize the birth process - including calling me the generic "mom" while in the hospital. I will be making a sign for my door that requests that people address me as christina.
unless i am your mom, you should not call me mom. for some reason this really bothers me when people do this. i know that it is from some deep seeded fear of losing my identity in motherhood. and though i know, with me, this would impossible, i would like to strive to remain that individualism - i am not just another "mom" giving birth in the hospital, but christina who is giving birth in the hospital. and i know this all comes from my weariness that all people see (and want to talk about) is the coming attraction. i am actually not tired of being pregnant. i enjoy feeling the baby move. to me honest, most of the time i forget, especailly if i am up and doing things. the sack of organs is getting big and running out of room, so he doesn't move as much as he did. and when i am up and around i don't notice the kicks. i forget as the body in my mind doesn't include the big tummy. i am always surprised when i catch my reflection in a window. i am lucky lucky (and active) and so have had no of the common pregnancy complaints that would make me want to just have this baby already. i do pee a lot. i tire easily, but other than that, i have no complaints about being pregnant.
but i do have that feeling. i want to have this baby already so it quits being all about the baby. that people quit talking to me about the pregnancy. i guess people then just want to talk about the child, but at least it isn't about me. it is about the child. and then only if they know i have a child. currently there is a big sign on me and that is all people see. and want to talk about. instead of making small talk about the weather, people ask if it is going to be a boy. and then expect me to want to know how they knew (dude, it is a 50/50 guess!). they ask if we have a name (like we would tell the cashier at the random store). they ask when i am due. I know that people are just trying to be nice, but i would rather talk about the weather....or better yet how the state legislature is stuck in a budget battle and how can't they just pass that all ready?
(side note on the boy guesses- the guess have been coming only since he dropped, so i started (i guess) carrying him lower. and hence all the boy guesses i think )
Posted by christina at August 7, 2007 4:49 PM