« weight of it all | Main | ... »
January 5, 2006
and they way that summer fades / underneath the weight of it all
For a moment, the sun peeked its head out this morning on my way to work. I cannot remember the last day of sunshine. It had to at least be in Arkansas. In the winter, here, the clouds mean warmth, so I don’t depised them so much. It is nice not to freeze my bum off during my morning jog. The cold rains have reminded me of winter in the south, where gloves and scarves are fashion accessories and not barriers against frostbite.
I cannot separate my general feeling of blah from the lack of sun or just this moment in time. It is the beginning of an exciting year, and unfortunately, I feel more apprehensive than usual…not about anything new, just the usual, am I doing everything right? Should I be doing something more? How can I fix everything for everyone?
I much prefer dealing with woes myself than having other people deal with woes. I want to take those people’s woes and make it better. This is why I cried and cried at King Kong. It made me so sad that he was so helpless and so hurt. Hurt animals always make me cry because they can’t fix things themselves. It is the same thing with people who can’t help their situation – the sick, the poor, the old. I feel too much.
It reminds me of Secret Life of Bee (title corrected by christopher) by Sue Monk Kidd. There was a character in it who “overfelt”. She couldn’t handle the sadness in the world and her inability to make things better. Her family tried to isolate her from other’s sufferings. When they were ultimately unable, she committed suicide over the wrongful imprisonment of a friend.
Not that I would ever reach that point (I am too much of a problem-solver), but I do identify with that character somewhat.
Posted by christina at January 5, 2006 3:09 PM
Comments
Did you mean "The Secret Life of Bees?"
Posted by: chris at January 5, 2006 5:03 PM