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December 31, 2003
Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines
mmmm. back in chicago. have been since sunday. it has been so warm. my runs have been nice as i realized i had been babying myself with my runs in hot springs (for various reason ie hills, loss of blood, humidity).
christmas was good, as usual. i made 4 pies from scratch (2 pumpkin, 2 pecan). including the crust! my family was amazed at my domesticness. i told them i had to prepare for my dowry. ; ) they laughed.
jenny and friend followed me up here. they are staying until tomorrow. they have been exploring the city as i work monday and tuesday. ben got back last night. we all had lunch before jenny et al headed downtown for some trolley and i headed back here for a run and to keep trying to get my life together. i think i have finally managed to unpack. i had lofty goals of working this afternoon, but after the pain of the past two days, i am going to enjoy today (it is a holiday in nu land) and probably tomorrow. i'll definitely need to go in this weekend then. so it goes. ben always shakes his head at how much i work. i just tell him i want to graduate sometime this decade.
plus, i just want some good results, you know.
i felt like i should post today, it being the last day of the year. it is kind of a retrospective day. it has been a great year. my first full year in chicago - i feel like i finally claimed this life instead of feeling like it was ephermal. the first couple of months i lived here, i really felt that i was going to return to atlanta someday. now i do love chicago. i could stay here. it has been a year of major stress with work. it has been a year of major joy. i met a fair amount of boys and when i was in one of those blissful i-just-got-out-of-a-new-relationship-i-didn't-want-to-be-in-and-now-i'm-so-glad-to-be-single stages, i met a boy at a party that ended up stealing my heart on the first date. this has now been my longest non-angst/no-drama relationship. people ask if it is forever, i always smile and say, i don't know, but i hope so. that sentence sums it up perfectly as i really love being with ben, but i would survive being without ben. i have no idea what this year will bring us, but i know i am strong enough for whatever the outcome.
i haven't seen the sunset from my apartment in a really, really long time. i forgot how beautiful the sky outside my front windows is.
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Posted by christina at 4:36 PM | Comments (0)
December 24, 2003
and i want to wake up with the rain / falling on a tin roof
i saved three lives today, what did you do today?
yes, i gave blood. last year, my iron was too low and i got deferred. so this year, in the same situation, i made sure i ate lots of total complete to make sure my iron was back up. i passed the blood falling test just fine. i gave blood just fine – though i am seriously freaked out by the blood following out and through the tube draped on my arm. the first moment that the warm snakes over my arm is really strange.
the guy got a good stick (thank god) and i bleed quickly (excellent) and was on my way to the refreshment area feeling fine in no time. i got some grape juice out of the refrigerator, took a sip, felt dizzy, and sat right now by the fridge. the next thing i know the world is rushing by and i feel like i sometime do during a nap when i am dead asleep and try to make myself get up. i force myself to open my eyes to find a bunch of people around me asking me my name. i have no idea where i am at all. they tell me that i am going to be okay. i insist that i am not. they try to move me to a chair, but my body was like, no. so they lay me down on the floor and cover me with a blanket. after a while i am stable enough to lay in a chair, which i do for an hour or so.
i really felt like i was going to die. and i’ve been closer to death as the majority of people i know. this is the first time i’ve fainted. (i’ve felt like it before (which sucked) and i’ve been knocked unconscious, but nothing was as scary as actually fainting.) i finally felt stable enough to get up and get in my car. i drove across the street to the hospital where my mom was working and cried to her before driving home and settling into the couch. i felt so bad. i could not stand up for more than a moment without feeling (1) nauseated and (2) dizzy. i feel better now as i’ve rehydrated (the prevalent opinion in the house is that i was dehydrated) and have eaten and have laid on the couch for 6 hours.
though i did save 3 lives today.
and got a sweatshirt and a candle.
deb ball pics –
rach and me
sistas
rach and me 2
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Posted by christina at 9:05 PM | Comments (0)
December 23, 2003
it was a beautiful day / don't let it get away
the rain fell harder than i've seen it fall in a while - harder than i've driven in it in a while. i had to pull of the road for a moment to chill out. i could barely see the road.
i am home. home is great. the big focus since i arrived home late sunday night has been rachel's debutante ball. um, yeah. she was a deb this year. yes, this is very very random. not, my family is definitely not of the social status of hot springs to be involved in deb ball. no, neither jenny nor i did it (thank god). but rachel did. she got a white wedding dress. we got formals. my dad rented a tux. the convention center was filled with red roses (it was the red rose formal). she learned how to cutesy and waltz. we tried to find her a rich husband. ; )
okay, not really. it was an experience. it was fun to get dressed up with my sisters. i have a beautiful dress. i got to use my beautiful wrap for the first time. chris made it for me for my birthday a couple of years ago. i've never had the reason to use it until now. now it is in our family deb ball pics. it was perfect.
all in all, i have to say that the whole event was ridiculous in the truest sense of the word. ah, i like spending time with the fam. jen, rach, and i danced a little. i was glad when i got into my car to drive home. though as i got closer and closer to home, the rain got harder and harder. the lightening lit up the sky and the thunder rocked the air. i haven't seen a thunderstorm that scary in a long time. i would have loved it had i been sitting in my house. but driving in it was not fun. not fun at all. but beautiful.
we took lots of pictures, i'll have to post them tomorrow.
speaking of pictures. here are two requested ones. izzy. ben.
home is great. yesterday i ran 5k, got my license replaced (finally!), and got a massage (dude. it was awesome.).
today i am forcing myself to chill and enjoy my vacation. i am watching west wing with my mom. i am reading with coffee curled up with my dog. i am enjoying my runs in the 50 degree weather. yeah, it is like more than twice as warm as i am use to. yesterday and today i actually had to take off my shirt and run just in my sports bra i was that warm. it was perfect.
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Posted by christina at 3:02 PM | Comments (0)
December 19, 2003
i know the suns still shinin’ when i close my eyes
Tuesday, on the way to work, i stop at the post office to mail chris's christmas/birthday present. the line is HUGE, so i just weigh the package to see how much it would be ($5) and leave. yesterday at lunch, i mention to leta that i still need to go to the post office, and she say, you should go to the UPS store. it might cost you a couple extra dollars, but i saw a cute commercial for it. i had been thinking about taking it there anyways because i run by one in my neighborhood every morning. so i take it last night. no line, no nothing except the ups guy waiting to take my package.
it cost ~ $10. a tad more than i expected, but i was cool as it was totally worth the $5 for the convenience factor. The nice guy hands me all the stickers for me to double check the address and i notice that there is a $2.50 surcharge - that explains the higher than expected price. The surcharge was not for gas (though there was like a $.50 surcharge for that), but it was a surcharge for rural delivery! i laughed really hard. chris does live in the middle of no where. it would worth the $2.50 just for the laugh. but next year, i am going to send it to his parents, who, i believe, do not live in the middle of no where.
today is a great day to be alive. i had to return something to bed, bath, and beyond this morning, and spend a rewards certificate at b&n (it expires the 25th), so i went before work today. i had to wait for b&n to open at 9. i rewarded myself with a HUGE coffee as i picked out a new journal. when i walked out of the store, the sun was shining, the wind was calm, the snow sparkling, and in that moment the world was perfect.
i then returned the frame to bbb and bought a defuzzer for my sweaters as the cashier shared that he was really tired because he went to see LotRs last night and quit smoking. he started wearing the patch which causes one to have really lucid and weird dreams, he say, so he only got like 2.5 hours of sleep last night. i just laughed and wished him luck on surviving his day.
it is the last day of work before vacation (yay!). my magnets are working beautifully (therefore my chamber is working better than it has in 6 monthes). i'm going to leave by 5 and spend until sunday morning curled up with my boy before leaving have breakfast with liz and drive to curl up with my puppy.
its a great day to be alive.
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Posted by christina at 11:24 AM | Comments (0)
December 17, 2003
so just let me try / and I will be good to you
i have a front entry way. it has a light in which is my "leave on" light - ie the light i leave on whenever i am not there and (1) will be back after dark or (2) won't be back until the next day. it burned out like 6 weeks ago. when i went to change it, the glass part came off and the silver part was stuck in the socket. it is as pull chain light, so i didn't know if it was off or on. afraid of being electrocuted, i solicited advice with what to do. liz told of some remedy she heard that you could stick a potato in it. sounded like a good plan to me, but i didn't have a potato, so decided the best thing to do was just call my maintenance people. every time i would go to call them, i would feel stupid, and therefore not follow through. so i was left with the potato idea. finally, last week, i remember to buy a potato at the store. as i talked with chris on the phone, i prepare to stick this potato up there. (i give him ben's phone number to call if anything happens. (of course with instructions to never call it in any other case.)) i climb up and decide that it just seems like a very shady idea. so i get down to look it up on the internet. low and behold, it is a remedy if you have a broken glass situation, but only if you have turned the power off. (oh yeah, i also couldn't find my fuse box.) that you might die if the power isn't off.
glad that i didn't actually go through with the potato in the socket idea, i decide that i should just call my maintenance people, but not before trying to deal with it again. so i bring a multimeter home from work. i've never measured current or voltage with it, but look up the directions on the internet. i get no reading - even after pulling the string. this does me no absolute good, but practically it does me wonders. i now have two instruments (the probes of the multimeter) that i am not afraid to touch the silver thing with, so i use them (which a combination of cork, another internet suggestion, but reasonable since cork is insulating) to unscrew the silver part and finally change my bulb. it make me so happy. and now i have light.
i have such weird feelings right now. i am so looking forward to next week, but not. i am looking forward to being home, to not working, to seeing my puppy, to getting my haircut, a massage, and giving blood. but, yes, i am going to miss ben. now i'm prepared for it (unlike balitmore where it caught us both by surprise.) i don't know which is worse. sigh. yes, i am sappy. sue me.
oh - i found the only redeeming quality of monday night food ball monday night (ben had it on when i came in after my holiday party) - monday night at the mike. it is this thing (i guess) they've had all season where nfl players play with these different bands in some sort of contest. we saw flutie play with bare naked ladies and scott play with michelle branch. it amused me greatly. (note i just looked at way too much football site to find a link, but no success.)
dude. i seriously don't want to be at work.
yeah for my saturn expert, c. green, who assured me my car was just mad at the cold and to not worry about it. (the light hasn't happened again.)
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Posted by christina at 9:42 AM | Comments (0)
December 16, 2003
but when you hold me near / you drown out the crowd
i love how when i run in ben's neighborhood, my run back is a straight view of the hancock tower which is currently lite up with red and green. it is a great course, i run up through wiggleyville and all the bars and then past the field. i keep running past more shops and then townhomes and apartments until i turn around and run back on the other side with the cemeteries. it is really cool to run along and read the headstones of people who died in the 20s. ben thinks my intrigue with cemeteries is weird, but i enjoy a good cemetery. i wonder about who the people were and about those that loved them. it reminds me that life is short, and our memories of people not that much longer.
saturday when i was running back through the bar district i ran across a small christmas party including a grinch in a santa suit and lots of pretty women in short skirts and christmas hats. i think it must have been some sort of fundraiser (they official looking nametag thingys). it did amuse me greatly.
i sometimes wonder if i could just run to ben's place from mine. he lives at 3400. i live at 6800. that is 32 city blocks. 8 blocks to a mile (in that direction (north/south)). that is 4 miles. totally doable. but, he doesn’t live a straight shot south. it would probably be another mile. hmmm, if i ever was without stuff. (and nothing else to do for an hour, nor the rest of the night cuz 5 miles would wipe me out). but doable. mmmm, maybe that will be a spring project.
i've definitely decided that half of research is waiting for thing to come and/or be fixed (mostly by you). the afm is being a tard. (yes, that is a scientific word.) my magnets are being held hostage in california because of a message to our ordering person being illegible so she couldn't call them back to answer their question. i hate air gas, but they are the only people that can make my gas mixture for me. my sem time got canceled this week because they have to turn off the water for some reason. and it was a full week (as most people will be away next week) therefore i have to wait until i get back for time. i did figure out how to make a dot pattern. like 160 dots x 160 dots. that is a lot of dots. i want to burn each dot with a diameter of 50 nm. that is small. it should be interesting. i can't look at my test burns though because of the stupid afm.
i definitely love the fact that i keep the lab at 75 degrees.
oh yeah. in case you are interested. it has been three monthes since i started dating ben. crazy. where does the time go? (and if you know me at all, you'll be shocked at the length of time (as i'm fairly commitment phobic).)
oh! and my sevice engine soon light went off. (er, well, didn't come on this morning) so i didn't take my car in. i am fairly undecided whether to take it in or not. if it does come on again, i'll take it in, but if not, should i still take it in? i think it was annoyed at the ice from the weekend. i wouldn't worry about it usually (as i am not totally dependant on my car), but i am driving home to arkansas on sunday. hmmmm. opinions appreciated.
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Posted by christina at 11:57 AM | Comments (0)
December 15, 2003
when the stars have all gone out / you'll still be burning so bright
mondays are definitely the worst. okay, maybe not, but this morning i can not get motivated – i even got to sleep in a bit. i don’t run on monday mornings (which makes me lethargic the rest of the day). and i just want the evening to be here. we are having our holiday departmental party this evening, which i am looking forward to. i made little cheesecakes for it. they are yummy, but i think i should have modeled them better as they set, as they look squashed. oh well.
my service engine soon light is on in my car. i am annoyed as i bet it has everything to do with the oil change i got done last week. and the place is neither near work nor home as i picked that dealership because it was close to ikea. though the dealership that is closeish to work/home did piss me off earlier this year, and so therefore i don’t go to them. c’est le vie. i’m glad i get to deal with it when i am not super busy.
this weekend was beautiful. saturday we had our first real snow fall. i spent a good half an hour watching it from the window. it was like glitter fluttering down in the lamp light. i do admit that snow is really romantic. saturday i also got to pet one of my favorite dogs in ben’s neighborhood. it is a little pug, and it was wearing a little coat. it was soooooooooo cute. she ran over to me as i rang ben’s buzzer and i got to pet her head as she played with my scarf. it was the perfect evening as ben cooked me dinner and we watch the game. it was a very interesting movie. not to gush or anything, but i have the best b/f ever.
sunday marina and i went shopping downtown – mostly to the h&m store, which is this new store here that is all the rage. though i didn’t have high hopes, i found that i did enjoy it. i think i was enjoy it a lot more if there was not a million people. i do have to admit that they did a good job with people control. i found more presents for the females of my family. some years it is really hard think of gifts, others (like this one) i have found lots. so jenny and rachel are getting their christmas and birthday presents when I am home. i just couldn’t pass these things up. so it goes.
sunday evening i wrapped presents and chatted with liz and then chris. sunday nights are my catch up on the phone night. the whole b/f thing has really cut into my phone time. ; ) i love wrapping presents. i have one really large present that it a pain to wrap because it is fairly fragile. but i managed to do it. my cat is really enjoying all the wrapping supplies that litter my living room. she has ribbon strung out everywhere. though last night she was not making me real happy as every time i moved in bed she meowed.
i definitely think the week before christmas break is the hardest week to work.
ooooo, i do have to say a happiness is... thing. happiness is not having all sorts of drama in one's life. this time last year i was entangled in a quasi complicated relationship. i am thankful that this year i am content and happy (one could say giddy) to be in a clearly defined, dramaless, solid, loving relationship.
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Posted by christina at 11:08 AM | Comments (0)
December 12, 2003
Then what makes, Then what makes LOOVVEEE?
you know, i say to him this morning, that there are places in the country that never get this cold. i know, he says.
the wind chill was 2 below zero this morning during my run. i always thought that i would die if i ran in those temperatures (it was like ~ 20 degrees). but i didn’t die. i actually didn’t mind it to extermemly much. it is all relative when i am running cuz i hate to run. i love how i feel after. so the cold is just another thing to hate as i run around my neighborhood. i did get a new running outfit on monday, so i am all happy with that.
i am so happy it is friday. i am so looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. lots o’ sleep has not been a component of this week. though the weeks seem to fly by. (though this week did have slow days.) it snowed kinda wednesday night – enough so that i made sure i didn’t part on the 2 inches or more tow zones (though we just got a half inch or something small like that). the big happiness this week is the einstein’s that is connected to the building that is connected to the building that is connected to mine has really yummy christmas coffee. i love einstein’s.
so, outkast’s hey ya is all the rage in the parker/harper apartment due to celebrity poker challenge commercial using it has its background + the millions of hours of bravo we consume.
yeah, i don’t have much to say. work is actually going well. i had a great day yesterday. see my pretty picture here. my tea is super good. i shall spend the later half of this day grading before going home to wrap presents. (yay! i love wrapping.) 9 days until i see my puppy.
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Posted by christina at 10:20 AM | Comments (0)
December 10, 2003
everyday feels like friday when
everyday feels like friday when you are excited about the evening.
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Posted by christina at 12:42 PM | Comments (0)
guitar man playin' all night long / take me back to where the music hit me / when life was good and love was easy
I get restless sometimes…especially when something changes. Monday I reverted from a classwork focus back to a research focus. The great thing about a classwork focus is that it is discrete. You know when you are going to be done with something – either when the assignment is due or when the class is over. It is a nice world to live in. it is the world of the
undergraduate life – everything neatly defined. In this world, expectations are spelled out fully.
In the world of research it is completely opposite. Nothing is clearly defined and this causes me to be restless until I get use to it again. I’m already pretty close to being back to settled (esp compared with last night. It is amazing how a run can calm me down.) I currently am frustrated as I am having trouble with one of the instruments I am using (and therefore cannot finish one of my projects). I don’t know if it is the instrument or my training, but it makes me feel dumb.
When the two feelings hit at the same time it makes me rethink why I am doing this. I fear the main reason I am in grad school is because I can. But being in grad school has made me happy. I love to learn. I love science. I love my friends here. I adore my advisor. And I do love research. I just hate the hoops of grad school. But I fear that hoops are part of everything – they’ve just been too low to the ground for me to take notice of them up until now. Sometimes I get caught up in what ifs and that is not good either. I am convinced that what I am doing right now is what I should be doing. Whether I leave with a masters or a phd is a question for the future that I have no answer to it right now. And having no answer frustrates me. I know I just need to be patient and everything will work out.
unfortunately being restless is the worst thing for me, it cuases me to poke at things in my life. it causes me to have much less patience. and i take it out on the people close to me, which i regret. but fortunately, i have amazing people around me that love me no matter what.
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Posted by christina at 10:19 AM | Comments (0)
December 8, 2003
‘cuase i’m a train wreck waiting to happen
it is warmish in chciago lately. i am enjoying it. it is just making up for the sucky spring we had.
friday evening provided us perfect weather for our double date downtown for ice skating in grant park (well, millennium park, but same difference) and dinner. i, of course, could not ice skate to save my life. i seem to remember not sucking so much when i last ice skated (when i was in san fran for spring break), but i guess the combination of all the people, the really rough ice, and having ben to hang on to made me not good. ben was a great as my steady hand and also to make me look up and enjoy the christmas music, the calm night, and the christmas lights. Downtown is beautiful all time of year, but especially this time of year. it was a great evening.
ohhhh, yes, and we also decorated ben's christmas tree. he got a real one that is about 5 feet tall and so cute. he had like 6 ornaments and had me bring the 6 ornaments i own. i put them on the tree. i never did think that those ornaments would see a tree this soon (as i never get a tree for my own apartment). They look so good. the tree looks so good. i like to lay around and look at it.
saturday night we celebrated lindsey's birthday. we hung out at her place for a bit (and admired her christmas tree which had ornaments of headshots and spoons). then we tried to go to our neighborhood karaoke bar, but it was cheesy and packed, so we ended up at this cool irish pub in which we crashed this private party downstairs (it was late enough that it had cleared out some and they did not care). we did get harassed by some amusing drunk people. it was great because they were playing good music and we had room to dance.
the big achievement to both these night was my remembrance of a camera and to actually take pictures!
sunday i got up and ran (in my morning after moderate drinking hyperness) and brought Einstein bagels home (ben lives like a block away from an Einstein’s and i couldn't resist on my run back). it was amazing weather and i had a great run. i ended up crashing midafternoon as ben and i watch high fidelity. i was in a high fidelity mood. i do love that movie.
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Posted by christina at 9:26 AM | Comments (0)
December 4, 2003
it will all be worth it / worth it in the end
so. yes. busy week. but good busy. busy like i have lots to do but (1) it is all doable and (2) i am on top of it. actually finished early. well, at least i can't think of really anything else to do. i should practice my talks. i shall do this after coffee hour. i should call and harass someone to send me some hydrogen sulfide gas. i should take a nap. i should run. (oh, i think it might be snowing. it is definitely raining. driving tonight should be fun fun.) oh, though i think i might be getting sick. my ear is starting to hurt. bad sign. though i totally knew it was going to happen as i've had open wounds this week from a small run in with the ground.
good news is that i am done with my classes the quarter and it has been relatively painless. much less painful than i imagined. it is strange when stuff for projects and stuff just works. i got this sim for my x-ray data program running smoothly with little trouble. it looks good. it seems like we are missing something as it was too easy, you know. ah, oh well. i love working with steve. Basically, i like working with competent people. both of my project partners are that. And all about efficiency.
i do have a ton of grading still to do.
i get to see my puppy two weeks from sunday!
i have worked late late (8 or 9) everyday this week, so i am super excited that i am done at 6 tonight! i have yummy dinner plans with leta and then we are meeting some people for i scream you scream we all scream for ice cream. yum. then it is friday. dude.
this is a very interesting article from the times today. it is about people giving up on pursuing dating. dude. agreed. it supports my rants on how stupid it is for society to tell us that we have to be in a relationship to be normal. or to be dating all the time to be normal. and to feel less worthy if we aren't dating all the time or in a relationship. to me it is a detail. i don't think being in a relationship validates me in anyway. i am not better than anyone else because i am dating someone. i don't feel anymore complete than when i was single. (though my cat might feel less complete now.)
i am very happy being in a relationship, but i am not happy because i am in a relationship. i am happy because i love having ben in my life.
and the randomness in how i met ben just solidifies that it will happen when it is suppose to happen. if/when ben and i break up, then i will have the exact same attitude. i had the exact same attitude before i met him. everything will work out the way it is meant to be. it is when we try to screw with it does it get all messed up.
oh, and i never do these quiz thing, but this amused me tooooooo much.
You are DNA. You're a smart person, and you appear
incredibly complex to people who don't know
you. You're incomparably full of information,
and most of it is useless.
Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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Posted by christina at 3:40 PM | Comments (0)
December 1, 2003
without saying a word / you can light up the dark
wow. i must join the masses about the world (who use the roman calendar) and iterate that i can't believe that it is december. I was doing my progress report for last week this morning and put the days i want off for christmas in them and realied that i'll be home in 3 weeks. wow. i am so excited to go home! i am excited to see my dog, mostly. then my fam. it has been since august since i've seen them. (and i have guilt that i now see ben's fam more than my own, but i guess that was the same with chris's and we weren't even offically dating for most of that time.) also am excited to see my high school friends. and my dog. definately excited to see my dog.
it was a nice vacation though i feel guilty becuase it was more vacation that i wanted it to be. i did get all of my grading done though. (therefore spent saturday afternoon grading.) sunday i met jahn for lunch (mmmm, clarke's) (he was in town visiting relatives for thanksgiving) and wandered around belmont looking in all the random shops. i enjoy spending time with jahn. we do all those things that the person i want to be does. we spent an hour in a used bookstore (i escape only having purchased 2 books) and also browsed a used cd shop (where i got the new sarah mclachgin album). i also picked up a couple odds and ends for christmas presents. all in all it was a beautiful day (including the weather).
work is going to suck this week as both of my classes come to a close with a class project (yay for no finals). baring some grading, i'll finally get back to research and stop feel guilty about not doing any. (though becuase of some complications, i wouldn't be able to get much done anyways.)
but i get to leave here soon. just a couple of thinks to wrap up. then down into the city some. cold night are perfect to curl up on the couch. and watch bravo. ; )
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Posted by christina at 7:32 PM | Comments (0)