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March 17, 2003
[i'm making my peace / making it with distance]
it is so amazingly beautiful here today. i forgot, and i mean literally, forgot what outside warmth was. i took the long way to school today. meaning i got off two stops early and walked through town and then through campus. i had to go to the parking office and that was the way to do it. it was such a beautiful morning and i really enjoyed the walk. i forgot what it was like to enjoy a walk. then i spent the morning chatting with the girls at school. we hadn't done it in a while, and so had to catch up with everything.
this weekend the book i was reading made me ponder the question - if i could be doing anything, what would it be. I truly think i would choose what i am doing. though i know that if i wanted to do research for any length of time past this little adventure, i would say that i would totally be wanting to be doing something else.
see, i tried to think of things that i would rather be doing, and whenever i thought of something, i pictured myself doing that with my life and knew that whatever i would be doing, no matter how much i wanted to be doing it, the want of this degree would make me always want to be in grad school. now, what i do after this, God only knows. thank god that i am not going into debt for this, for if i decide that policy is not my thing, then money would not be holding me back from running a camp in the middle of the woods, or to teaching chemistry to high school students, or to get a pych degree (the current desire).
the book i just started this morning is going to make me want to be a therapist, i just can feel it. i love helping people, but i think it might also kill me on the frustration aspect. of those people who wouldn't want to help themselves.
today, as i was suppose to be jumping right on in with research, i was reminded that i can't do this for my life. i can do other people's research, understand other people's break throughs, but to have them myself, i'm not so sure. that idea haunts a lot of us here in grad school.
so, anyways, my work guy is not around, so i can't do what i want to do. part of me tells myself not to stress, it will all work out. come june when classes are out for the summer, i will have it all under control. and that should be interesting.
the one thing i accomplished today is filling my social calender for the next two weeks. i'm skipping st patty's day stuff in protest of no recognition of the ides of march. (actually i just want to read my book, and now if i go out tonight, since my nonstop evening plans start on wednesday and last for 1.5 weeks, i am going to be ready to kill myself at the end if i make it 2 nonstop weeks. between us being out of class and ready to rage and a friend's birthday and two weeks of perspectives visits (therefore lots of taking them out) and courtney coming in the middle (yay!) life is going to be busy and i intend on preparing by laying in the sun and readying my book. hmmmm. )
sunshine, warmth, i wished the visitors would stay. but alas, tomorrow bring clouds and rain and cold.
on my walk home between school and the el i passed a little table set up with two cute young girl selling girl scout cookies. they had two teenage supervisors. it was so cute (i almost stopped and bought some, but i didn't, though now i wish i had). it was like a little lemonade stand in the middle of a neighborhood. it made me smile.
tax time. i have to file in 3 states. it would be two if i even conceded my arkansas residency, but i like never living where i am a resident. it makes me happy. i've always felt like a transplant. first from albuquerque, then from arkansas, and now, from the south. i'm not up on all the tax stuff, but i love electronic tax programs cuz i tried to fill out the GA by "hand" and it so confused me. so i used the program. i'm going to try with my il and ar, but alas, i might break down and by a state programs for them. arkansas shouldn't be so bad. i'll owe them some tax probably. like a membership fee i guess. i ended up getting a fair amount of my ga tax back (yay) so maybe i'll get some il. i haven't actually payed that much ($79) so i'll probably not get anything worth back. oh yes, i love the tax freedom project. this will be the last year (hopefully) that i'll be able to use it. though i don't make a lot anyways, so maybe i will. : )
so i just did il, and i'll get $11.50 back. i'm donating to the homeless fund. all this tax money back is without taking myself as a deduction. (my parents due for insurance reasons) i wonder how much i would get back if i did take myself. though i'm sure it doesn't compare with the benefits of my parents taking me as a deduction. i heart my parents.
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Posted by christina at March 17, 2003 9:09 PM